You know for someone who has battled depression most of her life, my motet is really terrible at recognizing mine and helping me through this. Instead she makes me feel absolutely worthless
But no one ever says how long those wounds will take to heal. It has been almost four years since my papa passed away and not a single day goes by where I don’t miss him. And there are always the times like right now that I miss him so much I can barely breath. That man was and always will be my hero and one of my first loves. He was the first man who took me for a ride in his convertible and the first to completely break my heart.
I wonder if he’s up in heaven looking down on me, which makes me hope there isn’t a heaven because if he saw the person I have become since he left me there wouldn’t be any tears of joy or applause. And I’m truly sorry for that papa. I just haven’t been myself since January 18, 2010. Because the day we lost you was the day this world lost an amazing man. And I only hope that some day I can make you proud but for right now it still hurts too much.
Why couldn’t I have had just one more day. We were supposed to play casino together that day. We were supposed to talk about nanas surgery. I was supposed to be able to say goodbye. I never got that chance. And it’s not fair and it’s something I will always love with. That I never got to say goodbye to you.
I feel you Chandler. I feel you.
Catching Fire concept art by Joanna Bush